This week I fought a heavy stress that depleted all of my energy and joy. In planning a large event with TV stars to come to my college campus and speak about the beauty and importance of adoption, something went wrong. In the middle of the first big promotion day the plans fell through with the actors; the event needed to be postponed. I could not believe that something so difficult would be thrust upon my shoulders. I was in denial for hours and my mind was racing. How was I going to reverse all of the advertising I had just done?
I did everything I could to slow down and not make any rash decisions. After a nights rest I felt more at peace about how the following day had turned out. I have to trust in the Lord and know that He will be with me at all times. I went to mass and felt joy from the Lord! I felt renewed and knew that God had my back and has had my back this entire time.
Today however I felt dead to the world. I felt extreme exhaustion and did not feel like myself. I had let stress get the best of me and I realized that God was calling me to want Him. I had not opened my Bible all week and the Lord was seeking me out. After being encouraged by a friend to read my Bible until I felt better, I opened up the word and began to read.
But where would I start? I knew I was feeling stress, sadness, emptiness, exhaustion, etc. So I opened up to Psalms. I cried out to the Lord and asked Him to speak to me through His word. I then began to turn to other books to find comfort. After reading parts of The Song of Songs, Jeremiah, John, Matthew, etc. I felt as though I was doing something wrong. I did not feel the word relating to how I felt. I wanted something that would speak to me and comfort me. I continued to try and find some bit of hope. After an hour of reading I decided to stop. I was extremely frustrated and I surrendered to God saying that I need you and I am open to you. I am longing to hear your voice.
I know that God is present even if I cannot hear Him. I am using this struggle of mine to help humble myself and seek Jesus for strength and praise. I have neglected His word this week. Maybe my frustration is for my own good? Maybe God is trying to get me to search for Him and to try harder. I surrender to the Lord and encourage you to do so as well. I am letting Him be in control and will trust Him. Do not be anxious about uncertainty because the Lord is good and you can trust Him.
~Matthew 11:28-29
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
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