Becoming healthier- what's missing? Experimenting with a balanced life

A typical News Years Resolution includes becoming healthier or looking better. You may not know how you're going to do it, but you're determined to shed some pounds this year. Maybe you've had success before but you keep slipping back into old habits.



What's missing? 


Balance. 


That word that's overused and seems impossible to achieve. Balance. 



For those of you who don't know, I've been struggling with keeping weight off. I'm a part of a great gym/nutrition program through FXB. I've had multiple successes including losing 15 inches at one point. Unfortunately I haven't been able to keep my body transformation. One reason is because I am not balanced in other areas of my life. A big one is my relationship with the Lord. I pray before bed and occasionally throughout the day. But I'm not growing in my faith or challenging myself. When you're too focused on food macros, getting to the gym and work it's easy to let God slip into the cracks.


This week I decided I am going to pray for 15 min. before bed each night and read a few chapters of a spiritual book, Resisting Happiness, each night. I'm ready to become more spiritually balanced. 

I'm not the type of person who makes New Years Resolutions as I feel they are pointless. I strive for smaller, more measurable goals. But this year I might just become a believer. My goal is to become more balanced in order to become healthier- not only to lose weight or feel better in my skin, but to feel healthier in mind & spirit. 


Stay tuned for more posts on ways to stay balanced to become an all around more healthier you. 

Letting yourself feel

"Things that once appalled us now have become commonplace. We have heard so much evil that it doesn't bother us anymore."

The horrific acts of violence in today's world have been ignored. Maybe because talking about them is uncomfortable, or because we don't want to accept reality. Ignoring acts of violence does not make them go away. Abortion kills 115,000 people worldwide every single day. It is the leading cause of death. You may have heard these statistics before, or maybe you have not. Many of us when hearing terrifying truths such as this are horrified and then choose to move on and bring our minds to something else. 

As a big pro-life activist, I myself have become desensitized to the tragedy of abortion. I have seen dozens of pictures of aborted babies, seen women leave abortion clinics after killing their children and have read books written by former abortionists. I know in my head and my heart that abortion is wrong but many times I fail to let myself grieve for these babies, women and men.

This morning at mass there was a beautiful 4 week old baby girl that was baptized. I immediately felt pain in my heart for all of the babies of similar size that are aborted everyday. Their lives are not spared. I held back tears as long as I could manage, even after congratulating the family on welcoming their child into the kingdom of God and allowing their child to receive such a beautiful sacrament. Then it just hit me. The reality of abortion and human life. I couldn't hold it in anymore and I began to cry. Life is such a precious thing, yet we ignore the acts of violence that take it away. We choose to separate ourselves from that reality because we don't want to feel the pain. We try to convince ourselves that these acts of violence are just another part of the news, just another statistic, just another tragedy....but this is not what it truly is. It's human life- being ripped away by instruments every second of every day, because of the so called "woman's right to choose." Because "it's not a human being yet," "it's not viable outside of the womb yet," "it shouldn't intrude on a woman's body because she doesn't want it there"-- all of these statements have desensitized us! They have caused us NOT to FEEL! These statements do not make the situation better. Ignoring these horrifying statistics does not save babies and does not educate others on the sanctity of life. 

This morning when I allowed myself to feel, it was a very painful thing; a very painful thing. But a very beautiful thing. The priest this morning talked with me after mass because he liked my pro-life shirt I was wearing. I immediately started telling him about the burden on my heart this morning after seeing the little girl to be baptized and how so many babies lives are not spared- the tears just kept flowing. I typically do not like to cry in public because I feel it is a weakness. Today I did not feel such a thing. The priest told me "If more people allowed tears to flow for abortion like you do, it wouldn't be such a big problem." 

Ephesians 5:1 says, Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children

God did not ignore injustice- he spoke the cold hard truth. Let us allow ourselves to feel the pain of abortion and other injustices. To let ourselves FEEL and not hide ourselves from the reality of violence. Let us be inspired by the Truth and to ACT according to this. To help inspire others to let themselves feel and not be desensitized. And in response to do good works to change things. To speak out against abortion, to educate ourselves by reading books and watching documentaries, to pray outside of abortion clinics, etc.

Ignorance is NOT bliss. It is simply an escape from a harsh reality that will eventually catch up with ourselves once we allow ourselves to feel. 

Not a burden, but a blessing

One of the most beautiful friends that I have is Michelle Miller. She is the epitome of inner beauty. She is generous, kind, compassionate and knows how to cherish everything God has given her. She doesn't blame the Lord for things that may slow her down.

I was having a great chat with Michelle a few weeks ago. She was talking about how grateful she is for her learning disabilities. Now you might be thinking...who would say something like this? But after talking with Michelle it is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard in my entire life.

Michelle believes that she would not be the incredibly kind hearted person she is today, without her disabilities. What one would consider a burden, Michelle embraces as a blessing. 

As I reflected on our conversation, I realized that some setbacks that I have had in life have helped me out in the long run. I've become a more empathetic person after dealing with depression for 3 years. I've always been what I consider a good friend, but was never able to connect with people when faced with extremely painful events. 

Now that I've experienced painful events as well as a mood disorder, I find myself not only being able to better connect with others but more willing to. I find myself reaching out to others rather then waiting for them to come to me. I am using what some call a burden, as a blessing- to help others. 

Let's learn to embrace all of the difficulties the Lord has presented us with and maybe we will uncover a gift~ 

John 16:33 I have told you these things so that you would find comfort in Me. In this world, you will suffer; but be courageous, for I have overcome the world!

Neglecting His presence

Jesus is always with us, we just choose to neglect his presence. Over the past few weeks, I have felt an emptiness inside that I have been trying to avoid. I realize now that I was neglecting my relationship with God. It's a hard thing to admit to one's self. Humans are flawed and humans don't like admitting to sin.


It's easy to feel that God is not with you and that you are all alone. But is this the case? Of course not!


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
This past weekend I experienced an enormous weight lifted off of my shoulders. I was preparing for audition day for a show I'm directing this summer with my non-profit Shooting Starz Productions. I was running behind on the tasks I needed to accomplish and had some unexpected road blocks presented in front of me that day. I did not panic or become anxious like I normally would be with so many changes in plans. I was surprised at how I handled every conflict that came my way. I look back and know that Jesus was right there with me the entire time.

His grace is more than enough. I do not deserve it, but He gives it to me anyway and continues to bless me over and over again. The most beautiful thing about Jesus is that no matter how many times we neglect him, He never leaves us! Let's learn how to be a better friend to Jesus and to carry more weight in the relationship. So when we fail and neglect the Lord we must pick ourselves up again and open our Bibles, evangelize, do good works, go to mass, etc.

John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.~ For the Lord has already come to us, now it's our job to pick up our cross and follow Him.

God is there- even when you feel empty inside

So the past week or so I've been feeling really empty inside. I've been feeling lonely, exhausted and bored with life. We've all been through stages like this- maybe it's situational, maybe it's the weather, who knows? 

Sometimes we blame God. But putting blame on God doesn't make you feel any better. And God does not ever purposefully make us feel miserable. God has done such amazing things for us! Just take a look at yourself in the mirror! God created you to be a beautiful and unique human being! Look back at all of the times that you didn't think you'd make it through.You're still here! :) 

Despite my negative feelings, I am very thankful for this week! I have a large cast of 20 registered for the musical I am directing this summer with my non-profit organization Shooting Starz Productions! The largest cast our organization has ever had was 14 and that was 3 years ago. I prayed for new kids and God gave me that gift. I am still amazed and feel sad when I get phone calls or emails and have to turn away other interested families because our cast is full. 

Another amazing way God has worked in my life is by helping me bring MTV stars Catelynn and Tyler to St. Cloud State University campus. I am the Vice President of the pro-life group on our campus, SCSU for Life. I started working on bringing Catelynn and Tyler to campus in January as an event for SCSU for Life. Our event happened last night. It as a HUGE success. We had a full auditorium and the beautiful message of life and adoption was shared along with their personal stories. I loved getting to meet Catelynn and Tyler and find out what amazing individuals they are. Although they are famous from 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom, they are normal people who are doing amazing things for teens all over the U.S. It was heartwarming to see how down to earth they are. So many pictures were posted after the event and so many students were touched by their story and were thankful that they got to come to our university. Their adoption counselor Dawn Baker, is a big inspiration to me. I am now going to look into adoption counseling as a future career. 

When I woke up this morning , I realized I felt empty yet again. God has blessed my life over and over and yet I don't feel joyful or happy lately! I could wallow in self pity, or I could pray and continue on with my life. It can be difficult, but we have to remind ourselves that God is always with us! 

We have all made it through many trials and we're still here! We can make it through even more by His grace! 

The book that has changed my life~

As a young woman who has suffered with depression and self-esteem, I know how hard it can be to be single. Many women who are single feel alone and worthless- but this of course in not the case!! 

God's love for us is so intimate and unconditional! No human love can compare! So you may be thinking Are you crazy? An intimate relationship with God?!?!? At first I thought this was far-fetched as well. But one book has changed the way I see love. 

My friend Angela gave me this book a month ago and I cannot stop raving about it. It is called Theology of Her Body/Theology of His Body by Jason Evert. It describes the beauty of man and the beauty of woman and how to live the life of greatness that God has destined for you. This book has touched my heart in a way that no other book has before. It feels like God wrote it just for me! 

In the foreword of the woman's portion of the book it says "It seems to me that women very often find it difficult to embrace the gift of their femininity because of wounds caused by men who have failed to honor them" --almost every woman I know has been hurt or taken advantage of by a man. This is not to say that all men exhibit these behaviors. But unfortunately many do. But not all hope is lost!! There is true love out there ladies!

I learned 4 key things from this book: 

1) A woman is a mystery to be revealed

"When a woman veils her body with modest clothing, she is not hiding herself from men. On the contrary, she is revealing her dignity to them. A woman's body is not unapproachable. Rather, she is opened only to the one who is worthy to enter." As a woman I am worth pursuing. God shows each of us this by simply getting to know Him! When we take time to read our Bibles, pray and attend church services we are rewarded with His love and feeling His presence. Many of us know that this can take a lot of time and patience, however. But it is all SO worth it!! 

"Instead of looking for the ideal man, become the ideal woman and let him look for you" ~

2) Relationships

"A woman of God is more than single. She's singular. Instead of defining herself by what she lacks- a relationship with a man- she defines herself by what she has; a relationship with God" What a beautiful quote!

One should first have a good relationship with God.God is always faithful and true! He will never fail you! Many women place their trust in men when they can't even place their trust in the Lord. If we cannot trust our creator, how on earth can we place our trust in a human who is flawed? 

"Without a foundation of God's love, a woman is far more likely to fall for men who are unable to love her as God does" 

3) Women are a beauty to be unveiled

Women are a reflection of heaven's beauty! No wonder men can't take their eyes off of us! If you are struggling with appreciation for your appearance- remember that God created you in His image. 

4) The mission of the woman

"The closer you get to Him, the more you will become yourself" - This thought hold so true! In the past I was attracted to men that were fun and sweet but didn't have a relationship with God. The more I place God at center, the better I am getting to know myself and what God wants for me! I am becoming attracted to completely different personalities than in the past. 

As women, we are called to grow close to God and he will send us a soulmate or lead us to a chaste life. If we place our trust in Him and go to Him for love, we will not be steered wrong!

Love does not mean having a romantic relationship. Love is any action or relationship that reflects God. You are never alone. Jesus is always with you! <3 

I encourage you all to read this book and soak up the truth about love. As for you men, I hope that you can find fulfillment in the men's section of this book~ 

Immigration Service Trip

I was privileged to go on a service trip to Arizona and Mexico with Newman Christ Church in St. Cloud MN over spring break. My eyes were opened to the realities of immigration law and the border wall between Mexico and the United States. Going into the trip I did not know what to expect at all. I definitely was not prepared for the emotional toll the trip was going to place on my heart. Although the trip was weight on my heart at times, my eyes were opened to Christ everywhere.

In the Gospel John 20:19-31, the disciples are in fear of being persecuted and arrested by those who crucified Jesus. Jesus comes to them and says “Peace be with you” This response that Jesus gives them says so much in just a few simple words. “Peace be with you” The disciples have a choice. They can act on their feelings of hatred and anger towards those who persecuted Jesus or they can choose to be peaceful and forgive.

While on this service trip I experienced an enormous amount of peace, love and forgiveness. On the second night our group was in Arizona we got to hear a presentation from a group called Scholarships A-Z. It is an organization started by college students that connects undocumented students to educational  scholarships. After hearing about the organization the students then shared with us their personal stories about crossing the border from Mexico to Arizona. One story in particular really touched me. A young man named Dario shared his difficult journey through life and all of the uncertainty and fear that goes along with it. He praised his parents and talked about how hard they have worked to provide for him and the rest of his family. They crossed the border when he was young so they could live a better life. Dario and his family live a life of such uncertainty. His parents could be detained at any time and his family could be ripped apart. Dario could choose to act out in anger. But instead he is working hard to help other students in his situation and is doing such amazing things. Recently Scholarships A-Z helped make tuition available to undocumented students through the memorandum DACA which stands for Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals. This group of students have been such an inspiration to me and I have seen Christ work through all of them.

On the fourth day we went to an agency in Mexico called Groupos Beta. It is an agency that offers basic services including shelter and food to migrants in Mexico. We spoke with some of the migrants that had just been deported back to Mexico after crossing the border into the U.S. A few of us got to speak with a 17 year old boy who had just gotten back from crossing the border. We asked him who he crossed the border with and he responded “The only person that was with me was God.” As we continued talking with him he expressed his concern for our safety. His kindness was so surprising to me.

As a United States citizen I am extremely blessed to be able to cross the border with almost no questions asked yet this boy has to risk being caught by border patrol and death in the desert to get into the United States. His worries in my eyes are abundant yet he showed heartfelt concern and kindness toward us. Jesus Christ was present in his heart and after this experience he is even more present in my heart. How can Jesus Christ be present in your heart this Easter season?